I can’t even begin to express the number of times I have doubted my decision to go to Paris.
Last week began with so much fear. Monday evening consisted of frantic messages to my close friends telling them, “I can’t do this. What am I thinking? I can’t go. I can’t do it.” I sat in my room sobbing for an hour as those dear friends told me I was capable, but I just couldn’t believe them. They reminded me that this debilitating fear I was feeling was not of God. I knew they were right, but I just couldn’t get past the terror.
Then Mama came into my room, sat down next to me, listened to me express my fear, let me cry, and then spoke the truth into me. She prayed against my fear, prayed for courage for me, and prayed that I would claim the truth in Jesus rather than the lies of fear. (This is why we have Mamas, by the way.)
That was the turning point for me. I started combating the fear by saying, “God is bigger than this fear. I can’t do this, but He can. With God, I can. Through Him, I am capable.” And that’s how I got on a plane by myself, flew to Colorado, and went to training for this ridiculous (in a good way) internship.
And in hindsight, Satan’s attempts to make me back out and give up make sense. He knew that training was going to confirm my call to Paris. I’m still having moments of “what the heck am I doing?!” but I’m not letting that cause me to doubt that I’m supposed to go. Because this is meant to be. This is what God has for me.
A big thing I got from last weekend was that I need to have confidence in Christ. NOT in me or my abilities, but in who I am in Christ and what He can and will do through me. My focus needs to be entirely on Him. I’m going to have to spend a lot of time on that. My heart needs to be refocused.
So, if you took the time to read through all this, either you’re bored or you care about me. I’m going to assume that you care and ask you to pray for me. Pray that my heart is refocused back onto Jesus and that my priorities are put in the proper place. Thank you for investing time and prayer into my life. I have such a beautiful support system. You mean the world to me.